"Sixty years in showbusiness," he wailed, "and I end up being the warm-up for a seven-year-old!
Not sure why though – it was hardly going to be for his looks, was it? "I can honestly say I have never ever heard anyone say a bad word about Ann," he said. "It was a busy day in the office," he explained, to guffaws of ridicule. "So I apologised and then ran through loads of things I could buy her to make up for my mistake. Don't tell me you are going soft and feeling sentimental.'” "I said, 'I am going to tell you something now that I have never told you before.
Forty years ago, your father took out his old army pistol, held it to my head and told me if I didn't marry you he would make sure I was banged up in jail for 40 years.
Sir Alan really did turn all soft and sentimental, and embarked on a genuinely touching defence of his marriage vows. "One would like to instil in the younger generation family values, but I guess we live in different times.
It would still be nice to see that those younger amongst us will at least look around them and take note." And then he paused, looked up from his Autocue, looked over to his wife and said: "Now ladies and gentlemen, on to a more serious and genuine note. It is true that over the past 25 years or so, due to my various shenanigans, the focus of attention has been on me.
Mason's other gags, targeted at the predominantly Jewish audience, were splendidly politically incorrect – and extremely funny.
"Sushi," he mused, "must have been created by two Jews thinking, 'How can we open a restaurant without a kitchen?
Scroll down for more Sir Alan Sugar says throughout his 40-year marriage to Ann the focus of attention has been 'unfairly' on him Sir Alan bounded towards me, looking horribly slim and tanned after a month in Miami. Seconds later Bruce Forsyth walked on to a big stage in front of me to announce that there would be "a series of surprises." Brucie worked the crowd for a bit, but we were all too sober to let our hair down yet.
In a desperate bid to raise the atmosphere, he grabbed Maureen Lipman and whisked her around in a fast foxtrot, not once realising who she was. " he gasped in embarrassment when he returned to the stage and the penny finally dropped. " Things got worse for the great man when one of Sir Alan's young grandsons came up and sang a hilarious version of Elton John's "Daniel" to his father, who has the same name, and his grandfather.
Sir Alan with veteran New York comic Jackie Mason, who came from New York for the party The first surprise was Jackie Mason, the best and most outrageous Jewish comic in the world, who had flown in from New York just for the occasion.
And who, to my joy, instantly launched into an offensive verbal bombardment of our host.
"Ann and I would like to invite you to our 40th wedding anniversary party," said the email from Sir Alan Sugar. Not at being invited – as The Mail on Sunday's official party correspondent, naturally I get invited to everything – but at the fact that the grizzly old growler was actually doing something vaguely "romantic" for his delightful, long-suffering wife.